6 Things About Dating
Tips I wish I had when I was in my early 20s.
Dating in this generation is very different from way back when. In the era of social media, dating apps, "catfishing", and just plain weirdness, dating can seem more like a job. Here are a few things that I have learned from trial and much error. From big sister to little sister, amiga to amiga, these are things I wish I knew before getting out into the dating field. Fair warning, this is a Christian blog so do not be triggered. The information may seem "old school" but odds are, if you are looking for dating tips then you need some help sis so keep reading.
Date with a purpose and be transparent about your intentions.
This is probably the most important tip that you will see on this blog. This will keep you from the dreaded FWB situation (i.e. friends with benefits) or the "it's complicated" relationship that keeps you stuck for months or years. If you are looking for a committed monogamous relationship that could potentially lead to marriage, then be clear about what you want upfront. Worst case scenario the guy is not looking for the same and you part ways. That is great! He did you a big favor and now you can move on to find someone who wants the same as you. Let's be very clear here, the more time you spend with the wrong man, the longer you will be unavailable to the right man. Do not be afraid to speak your wants or needs. Pro tip, you are looking for a man who can lead, teach, and provide for you. Remember you are the prize, not him.
Keep it light and fun.
Okay, now you have found someone who has the same intentions as you. You guys are hitting it off and everything is butterflies and rainbows, Go girl, I am happy for you but remember, until you are married this is not official. Life happens, people change, and circumstances arise so do not bet your life on this relationship. Women are creative visionaries and we tend to get much further along in the relationship in our heads. We start choosing baby names, wedding venues, and Zillow becomes our home browser page. Stay in reality. Keep it fun and light. Enjoy the time spent and continue getting to know this guy before jumping blindly into fantasy. Marriage is not a destination but a journey. Make sure you are careful about who you pick for the trip.
Know your value.
Proverbs 18:22 says when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing and gets favor from God. That means when he gets with you, he becomes all-that and a bag of chips. Therefore, do not discount yourself. Many of us have struggled with low self-esteem and that sets you up to attract the wrong types of people into your life. If you struggle with self-esteem issues do not date. You are not a wife at this state and will be setting yourself up for much heart break. Instead, get some counseling, work out, learn a new hobby, or travel. Take care of you first before looking for a guy. A man can not fill your voids, only God can. If you do not see your worth then the guy you are dating will not either.
Do not settle.
This tip goes in tandem with knowing your value. When you know that you are a good thing and that God made you perfectly, you will not settle for mess. You will not put up with getting less than you feel like you deserve. You will not allow a man to string you along for years on in without giving you the commitment that you want. You will not settle for a man who views you as a convenience and not a priority. When a man tells you one thing but his actions reflect the opposite, believe the actions. If you feel in your heart that you are putting in more than you are receiving, then you are settling. Cut it out sis, you are better than that. Either take a back seat or let him go. If he is serious about you then he will make the necessary changes. Let me be clear, this does not mean wait on him forever. Address the issues and set a mental deadline, if nothing changes then leave.
Dating is your friend.
Dating really is not that bad. We make dating harder because we typically ignore red flags, stay in situations we know do not serve us, and get too invested early on. When you get to the point where dating is stressing you out then take a break. You likely are not bringing your best self to the table and could scare away a good guy. Do not be afraid to be alone for a season if you need it. Ladies please throw away your biological clocks. In the bible Sarah was 90 years old when she had Isaac. That is an extreme case but trust me, at 30 + years old you will be more than capable of having the family that you desire to have. Stop going out here looking crazy hopping from man to man, date to date. Remember dating is fun and when it stops being that, then you should take a breather.
Keep God first.
Last but certainly not least keep God first. When you seek God, the bible says the rest is added to you. The rest being that husband, kids, career, wealth, healing, and etc. Trust God and His process. Read your bible, pray, work on yourself, and get involved in your community. Have a life outside of a man and dating. Be an interesting person. Most of our troubles come from going ahead of God and trying to make things work on our own. Sit down and spend some time with Him first.
I hope this helps! Happy dating sis!
This is very valuable advice and I hope that a lot of people adhere to what’s being said!